is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
