I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
