i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
