he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
