used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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