New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
