So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
