It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
