i was born a porn star she said
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
