mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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