He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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