I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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