why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Your penis caused this!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
