chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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