i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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