the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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