Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
