He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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