They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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