Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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