I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize