Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
