im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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