Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
