i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
