i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
