i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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