even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize