good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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