At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
