i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize