i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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