just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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