I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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