who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
