I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
