both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
