Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
