i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
