Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize