Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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