Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
