can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
