I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
