i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
