Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
