i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
