I accidentally had phone sex last night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
