First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize