All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
