Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
