wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
