If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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