i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
