Need sex. Gaining weight.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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