Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
