I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
