I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im part way to drunk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
