to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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