when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
