my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
