After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
