i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize