I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You are a genius and a whore.
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