My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
