Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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