What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
