does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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