You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
