Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
